Your Brain on Toddler

by Melody on April 18, 2013

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I always wake up in the morning with grand plans and great ambition.  Today will be super productive, we will cross all the things off our list in between taking wonderful breaks for play time and eating the healthiest of meals.  Generally, I get to the end of the day and stare blankly at my to-do list which seems to have doubled and the living room that looks like it was attacked by small trolls bent on destroying the house.  Small trolls who look suspiciously like my children.

What most likely happened

The sink was already half full when we woke up, then we had breakfast.  Scrambled egg got smeared on the stove top and I forgot we were out of fruit.  Add a trip to the grocery store to the list today.  Let’s go boys, throw on your shoes and we’ll head to the store.  What do you mean you can’t find your left shoe?  Where did you leave it?  Are we out of gas?  Dad called, he forgot his lunch.  You both have to poop?  Now?  Did you pee your pants?  Why do you have your brother’s underwear on?  Did you really just wipe snot on the couch?

Back from the store and it’s well past lunch time.  The cat is out of food and boys are hungry.  Throw together a quick plate for all of us.  Did you really just tell your brother he was a butt head?  Sit down to eat lunch.  You have to poop again?  Where are your socks?  Who left the door open?  Who left the car door open?  Where did I leave my keys?  Can you please stop wiping snot on your shirt?

Spend half an hour picking up the living room and toy room, only to have the bin of a zillion cars get dumped upside down 3 minutes later.  Finally make time to clean one of the toilets in the house, only to have a very small person forget to pull their pants all the way down and pee all over the back of the toilet and the floor.  Accept the fact that your bathroom will smell like a frat house for the next 18 years.  Try to squash the feeling that something important is missing.

Did I remember to schedule my oil change?  I’m pretty sure I forgot to return a phone call.  Did I call the accountant?  I need to pull some ground beef out of the freezer.  What was I making with the ground beef?  Do I even have ground beef?  What day is it?  Crap.  I was supposed to go to the bank this morning.  Did I schedule my gym time today?  Do I even have clean pants?  What is that smell?  Should I vacuum today?  Did I ever vacuum up the foot powder that spilled behind my dresser?  Is the irrigation bill due this week or next?  Do I have any checks in the check book?  Did the sprinklers even turn on today?

It can NOT be dinner time already.  Breakfast dishes are still in the sink.  Did I ever fold the clean dish towels that were in the dryer?  I just know there is something I’m forgetting to do.  Please tell me you did not just fling chicken at your brother.  Where did the chicken go?  Wolf down some dinner while making breakfast muffins for the next day, unloading the dishwasher and breaking up a fight over which color dinner plate is the best.  Remember after the boys go to bed that I still haven’t taken a shower.  Did I even brush my hair?

So tired.  Good night, I’m crawling into bed.  Crap.  There are no sheets on the bed, they are in the dryer with the dish towels.  I knew I was forgetting something important.

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It feels like every time I turn around the laundry has multiplied, the dishes have multiplied, my kids have multiplied.  Life seems like a constant race against the clock, where the clear winner is never me.  Sweep the floor, the boys drag in pockets full of dirt.  Catch up on laundry, somebody pees the bed.  Fold the laundry, somebody plows into the pile with a toy fire truck.

There are times when I feel almost caught up, once every six months or so.  I wish I could finish this post with my best kept secrets for keeping your house right side up, but I’m as clueless as the next parent.  My trick?  Just barrel through the day, do your best and never sit down.  Look into those little faces encrusted with boogers and dirt and enjoy the ride.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Karen April 19, 2013 at 5:23 pm

Thank you! I really needed to read this today. :)

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MissJay April 19, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dragged myself upstairs at the end of the day ready to collapse into bed . . . and realize I never put the clean sheets back on the bed – or even worse, I forgot to put them in the dryer. Yes I only have 1 set. Yes I have slept under the comforter sans sheets. Yes more than once.

Reply

Brenda April 19, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Sadly I did this just last night when I started to fall into bed and realized that my cat choose my bed and pillow to hack up a nasty hairball on! Great!
Made a mental note that I MUST find another set of sheets and pillowcases so this doesn’t happen again and again and again.

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